Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
