Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
