not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
