wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This house was built for laser tag.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
