Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds

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(925): View more from California

I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.

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(443): View more from Maryland

One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...

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(302): View more from Delaware

he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

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(614): View more from Ohio

every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls

(702): View more from Nevada

Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.

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(409): View more from Texas

We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.

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