Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
