before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
