so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
