I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
