I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
