one might say we're banned from that church
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
