just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
