I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
