I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
