dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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