It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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