i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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