In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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