I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
