dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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