you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
