i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
