Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This house was built for laser tag.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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