Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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