I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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