I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
