I have demons in me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
