So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
