well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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