That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
