worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
