I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
