u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
