Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
