Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
