If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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