My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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