I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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