Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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