this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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