i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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