This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
