I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
