New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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