I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
