the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
