Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
