Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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