his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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