escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
