Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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